Identifying What We Need In Therapy

I heard a quote from another therapist the other day; “a lot of therapy is working out what we like and what we don’t like.”

Though this is a major simplification as many challenges, unexpected life circumstances, pains and traumas can occur prior to sitting across from a therapist; I also thought it was not wrong in a lot of cases.

This prompted me to think about the themes we tend to fluctuate between in therapy. It can be helpful to identify the ones you are currently working on, want to work on, or wish to review.

1. Talk about your experiences and pains to have you story heard, validated, and/or processed.

2. Learn to identify, express, and regulate your emotions.

3. Experience what it feels like to be in a safe, boundaried (therapeutic) relationship with someone who gives you space to express your thoughts, feelings, and story.

4. Identify the patterns you have been perpetuating in your life.

5. Find ways to alleviate painful patterns, and create new, more positive patterns and experiences.

6. Create supportive routines regarding your health and wellbeing.

7. Work out what you like and how to get there; which can occur in the arena of hobbies, interests, career, and self-care.

8. Identify or build on relationships that are supportive and feel good to you; invest your energy into those instead of trying to change other people.

9. Start to cultivate gratitude, self-compassion and beauty around you.

10. Continue your help-seeking behaviours when life throw you curve-balls. These are a few generalised steps to healing, or important elements we work on within therapy.

Of course, this is not a one-size fits all approach; but sometimes seeing these themes highlighted can help us identify where we are, what we need, or what we would like to move towards.

© Marianna Jaross

This article originally appeared on Medium in 2023.